Flashback: I found something I wasn’t searching for.

DISCLAIMER: I wrote and saved this draft almost exactly one year ago. Being a year older and wiser, have my feelings changed? Somewhat. It’s been a mixed bag. You know that song “thank u, next” by Ariana Grande? That girl has been killing it the past few weeks. It’s kind of the perfect song about self-love and what I need to hear. It’s also the holidays and this time last year I was in my feelings. So, it’s bringing back certain memories. And feelings.

I recently turned 25. And I had a lot of feelings.

Rewind to some time in mid-September, a little after my last post, and I booked a ticket to Hawaii–to sort out those feelings.

I was thinking about my life in general (career, purpose, friendships, relationships, etc.) and how I just needed to escape and seek clarity.

I wanted to clear my mind, refresh, reset and rejuvenate.

However, once I returned, I was feeling a little empty; a little lost. (Although I have a degree in communications, I’m still not sure if I use semi colons correctly…) I didn’t realize until people were asking me how my trip went and I wasn’t really believing the words I was saying. I couldn’t even buy what I was selling.

“It was fun! It was was relaxing! I had a good time!”

Overall, my trip truly was all of those things, but something was missing.

One of the best things I crossed off my bucket list was waking up early to watch the sun rise in Hawaii. I didn’t think I would actually do it.

I managed to wake up at 5 a.m. and hike KoKo Head, which is more of a mind-over-matter hike than anything, to watch the sunrise above the water.

It was truly breathtaking and almost tear-worthy. 10 minutes later, it poured.

And it felt cleansing and liberating all at once. Think “Clean” by Tyler Swift” and that”s how it felt. And then minutes later, I saw the biggest rainbow, possible DOUBLE RAINBOW, as I was hiking down.

It was like all of that was meant to happen. I will never forget that morning.

The expectations I had for this trip couldn’t hide the reality of what I was truly seeking. Sometimes you intend to find one thing and seek an answer, and you end up finding something completely different and an answer you weren’t expecting.

Coming home, that didn’t really hit me until I was speaking to friends and coworkers.

So what I’m saying is, although my trip wasn’t exactly how I envisioned it would go, I’m completely grateful that I was even able to embark on this getaway. Overall, I did need to escape and be alone for a bit. That’s how you learn more about yourself.

I would not have come to the realizations that I had if it weren’t for this trip. In my last post, it was all about “living your best life” and I’m grateful that I could escape to Hawaii alone and be adventurous. Especially at this age. I’m humbled. But subconsciously, there was something missing, and that came to my conscious during the trip.

So I plan to address it, once and for all, and finally get the closure I never knew I really needed this whole time.

-Vanessa

Living your Best Life

I sadly think blogging will no longer grab people’s attention.

Heck, I don’t even read many people’s blogs anymore. But I choose to remain active on my blog because I love to write. I love to read.

However, it’s all about Instagram and Youtube, at which people find their inspiration. I can’t say I blame them. It’s instant and visual. You get a real sense of these people who are delivering “inspirational” content, whether it be on fitness, health, lifestyle, fashion, etc.

Or, at least we think we have an idea of who these people are.

I’m almost 25. Twenty-five. 25!!! Oh my gosh. I. Can’t. Even.

I always thought of this age as such a monumental point of life where I would think to have my life together. But that’s only because I would compare myself to those that do.

That’s not how life should work. For you. Or for me. Stop comparing yourself to others and life your best life. Truly. It’s never to late and you can always learn to work toward your happiness, your confidence, your self-esteem and your goals.

You can live your best life. 

I’m in the process of living mine.

I think I’ve stressed in a few of my blog posts that being in your 20s was difficult and confusing. It still is. That hasn’t changed. Everyone has their challenges. Everyone has their own story. I had mine. I continue to have them, which will contribute to my story that I can hopefully tell my future children.

It’s September. This year has flown by and does not continue to slow down.

Let’s rewind to March. I was in a funk. It was difficult to articulate to myself and to my friends. I realized that I just needed to give myself some air to breathe. Step away from Instagram and Facebook. I realized I wasn’t as strong as I thought I was. I needed to focus on myself, emotionally, mentally and physically.

I wanted to be more present.

It’s September. The months in between? It was up and down and zig-zagged. My confidence and insecurities have always been wishy-washy. But I’ve learned to be happy and content with my body. I love who I am and who I’m going to be as an individual. Be the kind of person that you want to be friends with or want to date. Once you recognize your strengths and weaknesses–your flaws and all–and truly appreciate your own mind, body and soul, you will glow. Your personality will shine, your smile will radiate. Your presence will stun. You will always look lovely. And they cannot take that away from you. They cannot. No. Because you worked hard for this. You deserve this. Live your best life.

Life may not be perfect, but you have the power to control how you will react to it.

It wasn’t only until a couple weeks ago that I was going to live my best life.

I was coming off a stressful, unfamiliar situation where I didn’t know how to act or react. I was overthinking and that made my week unnecessarily stressful.

I went to the beach that weekend with my mom to beat the heat and for some clarity. I was barely on my phone and having good conversation. Appreciating nature. Enjoying the last weeks of summer. It was, for the most part, all zen.

The following weekend, I went out with a girlfriend, had low expectations of how the night was going to go, and it ended up being a great one.  I went up to a guy and had to tell him he was attractive, because hey, life is too short. Who wouldn’t like to be told that? There’s no harm. OH, and no alcohol was required, which was even more surprising.  I WOULD NOT HAVE DONE THIS BACK IN MARCH. 

I broke up with my gym last week. And let me tell ya, I feel liberated. I was too stressed over the thought of quitting, which I had been contemplating for a year, so I knew it was time. I love where I’m at physically and mentally, so I can thank the gym for getting to where I’m at now. But now, I want to be more present with nature and different fitness routines where I’m not doing the same, mundane work at the gym.

I’m comfortable being along and doing things by myself. I even ate at a restaurant all by myself. That does take some guts, believe it or not.

I know some people will say that you don’t have to love yourself first before you meet someone, but I don’t think that’s true. You should love yourself, you should fall in love with yourself and realize how special you are. You will learn to realize your worth and what you deserve and not settle.

This is just how I’m going to live my life and I know that lovely thoughts, people and opportunities will follow.

-Vanessa

A Year of Mindfulness

Happy 2017 everyone! I know I am maybe 18 days late. In fact, this isn’t even the best time to publish a blog post. But honestly, I just like to wrote when I feel inspired by something or when I have the time or when I have something I want to share. And right now, I’m feeling inspired.

In the past couple of years, I’ve made it a mission of mine to change my lifestyle into one that is healthier, happier and more me. Being in my early 20s, I know it’s my time to realize my potential, my growth and my strengths and weaknesses. This past year was an emotional rollercoaster. I’m still learning and accepting who I am and who I want to be. It does take time. But I’m proud of where I am and what I’ve done.

I have a lot of work to do to reach my goals and dreams. I can’t wait for things to happen to me. I know I have to push myself to accomplish what I want to set out to do.

I titled this post “A Year of Mindfulness” after the 2017 calendar I bought. It’s one of the Zen calanders in which each month has a new “zenful” word such as “strength,” “focus”, and “believe”. Each month, I’m also going to write a new quote that reflects where I am in life or what I want for myself. It’s just a little something extra to wake up to everyday.

This month I wrote:

Right now, I’m at a much better place in my life physically, mentally and emotionally. Again, I still have a lot of work to do. After all, I’m only 24.  :-p

Wishing you the best,

Vanessa